U R in the right place!!! Hang out and read, read and read some more. U R in the first stage to FREEDOM. The journey can be a bit emotional but it's worth it. I once thought I was alone too, but I found that the folks on this sight have alot of differences but one thing in common...they are some REAL THINKERS!!!!
Check out the Ray Franz book, Crisis of Conscience...it's mind blowing!!!
Also check out the site sixscreensofthewatchtower.com...it's alittle spooky but the information will give you some insight until you get that book.
Stay strong and I pray that all works out for you and your family.